therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
