Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
