I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
