just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
