Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
