I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize