Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
