as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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