just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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