I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
