I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
