It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
