I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize