that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize