Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
