i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
