I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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