Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
