Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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