I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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