I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
