It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
