For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
