So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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