god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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