Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
