I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
