you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
