did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
