the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
