i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize