We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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