apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm really busy with my period
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