i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
