just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
