Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
