He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
