after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
