I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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