in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
