We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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