Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
