Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's never too late to be topless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
