You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
