For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
