wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
