Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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