conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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