don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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