Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
