so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All the doctor said was why
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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