as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
