so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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