He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
