I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
