he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
