great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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