guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Girls should come with a carfax report
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
