it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
