I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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