I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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