i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
