Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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