at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
