you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
