Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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