I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
