The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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