I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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