booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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