Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
