Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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