He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
