So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
