I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
