I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
