yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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