I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
