After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize