her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
