i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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