And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
