weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
