i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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