see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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