No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
