i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
