ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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