...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
