Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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