Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize