bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
