so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So much rum. So many feels.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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