There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
