I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
