Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
