Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
