My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is Oprah even human
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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