SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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