New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
