I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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