In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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