I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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