**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
