whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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