I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
