You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
