I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
